dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
