Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
