Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think I just sharted jello shots
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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