**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Come share oat with me in your robe
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
