And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
