i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
