This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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