once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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