guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
