Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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