All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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