who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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