Your face is a jimmy john
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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