i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
