i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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