My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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