I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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