I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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