haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
