How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
