I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
