I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
