like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
