i think my tv is drunk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
