i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
