After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize