im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
