Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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