It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You're a waste of cheezeits
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
