i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
