Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
