dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Found the puke drawer
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
