Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
