Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
