he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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