you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
