someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
