Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
