how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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