Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
