I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
