I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i can't believe i had my finger in that
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The ass gains better be worth it
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