how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
