HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize