Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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