I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
