he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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