He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
