Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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