I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
