The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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