he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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