Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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