his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
