wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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