Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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