i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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