she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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