I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize