Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
