dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I need water and some morals
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
