The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
