Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
