i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
