You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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