Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
