oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
