You made me cry and you don't even care
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
